Let it go...

Life can get frustrating. When you see someone struggling, you want to just snap your fingers and fix their situation -- or find an instant solution. You want to make everything good and happy and well because who likes things that aren't, right? 

You cannot just "fix" things because, quite often, they aren't your "things" to "fix." I am going to be honest, I struggle with this. Something inside me just wants everyone to be content and happy... 

So, being wired this way and being one of the caretakers to two young boys, small things can get the better of me sometimes. Last night and this morning just happen to be two of those times. See, I want these boys to be happy, healthy, and do well at anything and everything they want to pursue.

I want to see transformation before my eyes. I want to see that I am doing right by them and give them everything I have to offer to make their lives better. I want to make sure that I don't make a wrong turn that leads them down a wrong path, too. 

Though, all I can do is simply love them and guide them. 

But, it isn't about me. It doesn't matter what I want. And their journey isn't my journey. The actions and decisions they make are outside of my control. Who they are and what their role is in this life is not mine to dictate. 

Sometimes, I forget this.

On the way to school this morning, Damian began talking to me and sharing a story he learned when watching a movie with his grandpa "a long time ago." Here it is, from his point of view (though, paraphrased, of course): 

...Remember, Jesus was captured by some mean men. They beat him really bad until he was all bloody. Then they made him carry his own cross a really long way. And it was really heavy. Then, they hung him on the cross by nailing his hands to it. Then they tied his feet and put another nail. 

When he woke up on a Sunday he was almost naked. Then he saw some people and he still had holes in his hands from the nails. Then he went straight up to Heaven.

I've got God in my heart. He is always close to me. Do you know Calvin doesn't believe in God or Jesus? That is because Calvin is mean. You can't have God in your heart and be mean. I think I am going to tell Calvin about God today...

Sometimes this kid brings the perfect speeches at the perfect time. He is so smart and has such a deep soul. And, I often think he has a greater relationship with God than most -- including me. 

All the frustrations that I have in trying to do my best to help raise some wonderful little beings are wasted because they are already wonderful. And God has a great plan for them. For some reason he has entrusted these children to Tina and I... and though I may never understand his thinking haha we will give it everything we've got. 

I've got to let God lead us on this journey... and let the small stuff go. And, FYI Calvin -- Jesus loves you, too and you are lucky to have a friend like Damian.